Congratulations For Purchasing your Brand New ATE FUUN UNIT!
by ritoruretasu
Summary: Congratulations! If you're reading this, you have just purchased your brand new ATE FUUN UNIT! (No refunds.) Your ATE FUUN UNIT is a rare, special product that can only be found 12 months a year. If you and your ATE FUUN UNIT hit it off, you'll have a new, shy, friendly, lazy, and happy pal to play with!


Congratulations! If you're reading this, you have just purchased your brand new ATE FUUN UNIT! (No refunds.)

Your ATE FUUN UNIT is a rare, special product that can only be found 12 months a year. If you and your ATE FUUN UNIT hit it off, you'll have a new, shy, friendly, lazy, and happy pal to play with!  
(However if you don't hit it off, then the only thing your ATE FUUN UNIT will be hitting is you.)

**Welcoming your ATE FUUN UNIT into your home.**  
Your ATE FUUN UNIT may not be happy when you take him out of the box. Depending on how you treat him at first, your ATE FUUN UNIT will either be very quiet and/or shy or very hostile. (Additional first-aid-kits are not provided.)

To help your ATE FUUN UNIT warm up to you without having to take you to the hospital, here are some quick tips to help.

Step 1) Your ATE FUUN UNIT appreciates personal space. Be sure to keep a short distance when welcoming him.

Step 2) Smile and keep eye contact with your ATE FUUN UNIT at all times.

Step 3) Softly talk to him and be polite. If there's anything your ATE FUUN UNIT hates the most, it's arrogant or ill-mannered people.

Step 4) Lure him over to you by setting a piece of pizza down by or on your lap. You can also hold it out to him. Either way works just fine without you ending up hospitalized. (NOTE: Please do NOT call your ATE FUUN UNIT by "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty!" He will seriously go Chuck Norris on you.)

Step 5) If all of the steps above have been followed, your ATE FUUN UNIT will slowly walk to you and begin to devour the pizza happily. (NOTE: If the pizza has: Anchovies, pepperoni, seaweed, squid, onion, paprika, any kind of spices and/or seasoning, cheese, bread, or tomato/tomato sauce, you will die.)

If you followed these steps and lived, congratulations! Your ATE FUUN UNIT will now have (somewhat) gained your trust.

**Feeding your ATE FUUN UNIT.**  
Your ATE FUUN UNIT is almost always hungry, and enjoys any kind of junk food- Including Pizza, Potato Chips (Lays Original; any other kind will result in your funeral.), Candy (Specifically Meiji Chocolate, Pinky, Every Burger, and Caplico), and also soda such as Coca-Koala, Ramune (Any flavor), Pepsi, etc. Your ATE FUUN UNIT will not throw train cars at you for getting the wrong type of soda. He enjoys all flavors. Your ATE FUUN UNIT also likes small fruits such as berries- Especially blueberries. He also enjoys dried, sweetened fruits.

**Grooming.**  
Your ATE FUUN UNIT is perfectly capable of grooming himself, and if you walk inside to try to assist him, he will become severely embarassed and then will throw a bar of soap at you.  
Although he will throw bigger things at you once he is dressed.  
Be sure to provide plenty of conditioner (Specifically citrus-scented) for your ATE FUUN UNIT, as he tries to take care of his hair as much as he can. He also likes the smell of oranges.

**Shopping for your ATE FUUN UNIT on his birthday.**

If you do not know your ATE FUUN UNIT's birthdate, he will become sad and ignore you. If you try playing the guessing game with him about his birthdate, he will then become very angry at you and will throw things (possibly resulting in your tragic demise). Read further instructions for your ATE FUUN UNIT's birthdate...

Your ATE FUUN UNIT will not really care what present you give him for his birthday, as long as you do not give him a pink dog collar, a pink leash, anything pink or pet-related, etc...

He has a simple taste in clothing, as he is always wearing a yellow t-shirt and black shorts. Any simple clothing you give your ATE FUUN UNIT for his birthday will please him (as long as he gets cake, preferrably chocolate or vanilla cake, but never both chocolate and vanilla because it will remind him of his dreaded enemy, HIROTO YOSHIZEN UNIT).

**Exercise.**  
Your ATE FUUN UNIT enjoys wandering around in the city during daytime or very late at night. When he does his wandering, he normally prefers to be alone, so you can either risk your life and attatch a leash to his pendant, or you can track him with GPS. Hopefully your ATE FUUN UNIT will not care if you decide to track him with GPS.

**Additional information**  
Your ATE FUUN UNIT has 5 settings: Die, Hiroto, die (Default setting), Docile and/or somewhat shy, Party-guy (Please do not bring him to Earth as he enjoys the Kouniverse as it is, if you do bring your ATE FUUN UNIT to Earth he will enter the Party-guy setting, and if taken back to the Kouniverse or Shinjuturoro, he will regain memory of what he has done on Earth and then will kill you.), Happy and/or submissive, or HIROTO-PLEASE-MARRY-ME (Rare) mode.

If you have come to realize that your ATE FUUN UNIT is putting up posters of the HIROTO YOSHIZEN UNIT on his wall and doodling hearts on them with red or pink felt marker, congratulations! You have somehow impossibly managed to get your ATE FUUN UNIT into the HIROTO-PLEASE-MARRY-ME mode. You may now purchase a HIROTO YOSHIZEN UNIT and lock them both in a small room with no exits and watch the fun.

If your ATE FUUN UNIT is upset and nothing seems to be working to calm him down, please place him in a room with a KAJORU SHIRADOU UNIT and your ATE FUUN UNIT will calmly, contently converse with the KAJORU SHIRADOU UNIT. He also enjoys the AMAI UNIT, the RAZU FUUN UNIT, and the KURAN FUUN UNIT, although the KURAN FUUN UNIT may get on your ATE FUUN UNIT's nerves.

**WARNINGS**  
We strongly advise you not to purchase a HIROTO YOSHIZEN UNIT as well as your ATE FUUN UNIT (if your ATE FUUN UNIT is in his default setting/anything else but the HIROTO-PLEASE-MARRY-ME setting). If so, your HIROTO YOSHIZEN UNIT and your ATE FUUN UNIT will either be trying to kill eachother or your ATE FUUN UNIT will be chasing your HIROTO YOSHIZEN UNIT all day until one of them either gets hit by an Itsuko's Pizza van or gets tired and then trolled/killed.  
Your HIROTO YOSHIZEN UNIT will also troll your ATE FUUN UNIT to death, resulting in the world ending. (Or at least your house/allowance.)

Please do not try to make your ATE FUUN UNIT become friends with the HIROTO YOSHIZEN UNIT. (Although in some rare cases, it may work)

Please do not try to make your ATE FUUN UNIT sing.

Please do not try to make your ATE FUUN UNIT dance or do tricks. You will die.

**Thank you**  
Thank you for purchasing your ATE FUUN UNIT. We wish you the best of luck with him. (No refunds.)

((I'm sorry. It had to be done.))


End file.
